Brett Laffien downloaded the Hinge app in July 2022 while on leave in the states for a Visa renewal. Mr. Laffien had been working as a soccer coach in Bangalore, India at the Bangalore Soccer Club for the better part of 5 years. Living in India on a work visa had already presented some issues. The India government is notoriously flippant when it comes it visas, and it was no different for Mr. Laffien. He had already been sent out of the country once with no grounds for reason and then again was sent home during COVID for a nearly year-long stint. After six months back in the country, with a successful soccer club up and running and ready to turn over to local business men, his team was looking to build another soccer club in Ahmedabad, but first his visa needed renewing. Mr. Laffien sold his apartment, most of his things, packed a suitcase or two and flew home to Orlando to await his work Visa renewal. He had every intention of returning, this time to Ahmedabad, for another 18 month contract.
Twiddling his thumbs until his return to India, his brothers girlfriend (now sister-in-law) convinced him to sign up for the dating app “designed to be deleted”. What could it hurt? He got a few matches, and went on one date in the first week. “We met and had breakfast at First Watch one Saturday morning in Orlando. It was alright; she was kind of boring. But I went on a second date, just to be sure. The second date confirmed it. And then I met Jenny.”
Experience of online dating: It was weird. I wasn’t fully convinced of it, or felt that it was normal. I was still iffy about it.
Jennifer Pellegrino’s experience wasn’t so simple. A long-time dating app user, unathletic and a self-proclaimed “homebody”, she was sitting on her couch at home, when Mr. Laffien’s picture popped up in the Rolodex of men’s photos that populated her Hinge page.
Barely even registering the profile, she swiped through it. “It had become a mindless thing,” Ms. Pellegrino stated, “I didn’t really expect to find anything, or for anything to come out of it. You get to a point where you’re just kind of disenchanted.” Ms. Pellegrino, a 30 year-old freelance writer and painter, had been trying to put more effort into her dating life recently, after many attempts on her part “fraught with mistakes” and no success. But it was difficult; Vero Beach was small and post-COVID she had begun working from home. Like the 22% of her American contemporaries working from home combined with her penchant for home life, reduced her chances.
Then something happened.
Call it fate. Call it God. Call it a glitch in the system. Mr. Laffien’s profile picture, an image of him in a coaching kit, kneeling on the soccer field with a trophy after an apparent win with “the most genuine smile”, Ms. Pellegrino commented, came through again.
“He wasn’t holding a fish, he had a nice smile, his shirt was on and he at least mentioned his faith.” They matched and with a small bit of flubbing on each side (Mr. Laffien wasn’t exactly forthright about his imminent return to India and Ms. Pellegrino claimed she tolerated tattoos, but a months long campaign against him getting a new tattoo would prove otherwise) a first date was set. Readers can learn more about their first date in “First Date”.
They chose to do something active for their first date. “It was natural and easy for me; I love being outside.” Mr. Laffien was an avid and talented soccer player from his childhood. For Ms. Pellegrino, the reason she suggest a high ropes zip line course was a bit different. “I was tired with the boring coffee date, the talking, the inability to escape. I wanted an activity that had a clear beginning and end. I wanted to experience someone in action. Unfortunately, that meant he would see me in action.”
Fortunately, Mr. Laffien was impressed and entertained by her non-athletic attempts.
“She told me she was nervous and out of her comfort zone, but even so she handled herself well…with dignity. I thought it was cool that she was willing to step out of her comfort zone and even risk embarrassing herself. I love that.”
But halfway through the course, Ms. Pellegrino had begun to doubt her own plan. Her ability to observe her date was being affected by her fear of heights, unstable bridges and climbing very tall poles. Her insecurity revealed itself. “She asked me if it was important that I be with someone athletic and adventurous. I said it’s important to me that whoever I’m with be willing to try.”
“That’s all he was going to get,” the bride joked.
Having survived the ropes course by the skin of her teeth, Ms. Pellegrino felt the date was over. The little observing that could be done showed her date to be extremely kind. More than once, she looked ahead of her to see him waiting her at the next juncture in the course, chatting friendly with the people in front of him, an easy going manner apparent. Even so, she thought he was on the quieter side. “I thought he was just being nice; he was a nice guy. I didn’t think he was really interested.” Chalking the date up to a good experience, Ms. Pellegrino made way to head towards her car as they walked out.
Mr. Laffien had other plans. He suggested they get lunch. “That was my first indication he might be interested.”
Later that night, Ms. Pellegrino surprised her parents with a phone call. “It was good,” she said when asked how it went, in a deviation of her usual “Fine.”
Things moved quickly after that. By the second date, a beach date in Vero, Mr. Laffien had fully revealed his plans to return to India in less than one month. And, he said jokingly, that he was bald.
So what made him hop on a dating site and look for a relationship if he knew he was leaving? It was the obvious question, one echoed by the brides mother, who showed obvious concern for a fly by night ordeal.
Remarkably, even with that question unanswered and the future uncertain, Mr. Laffien and Ms. Pellegrino continued to develop their relationship. After one month of intense dating with long, deep conversations, meeting the parents and families and even overnight stays to avoid making the two-hour drive between Orlando and Vero Beach, Mr. Laffien asked Ms. Pellegrino to be his girlfriend. “It was sweet. I said yes, but I don’t think I really thought it through. We still didn’t know when he would go back to India, or IF. The IF was new.” The Visa situation wasn’t improving and then there had developed an issue with pay available to Mr. Laffien for his return to the soccer club. It had become a waiting game until the end of September, two months after they had met and one month after becoming a couple, Mr. Laffien made the decision not to return to India. Was it to get closer to Ms. Pellegrino, who had expressed understandable concern about an 18 month trans-world relationship?
He says no. “It was the right decision. Continuing my relationship with Jenny was a perk.”
The decision to remain in the states meant the next several months would be a big adjustment period for Mr. Laffien. When he had left India three months prior, he had no clue he would not be returning. There were no big good-byes to the friends who had become like family, no processing period, and no plans for “what next”. Ms. Pellegrino, too, had an adjustment to make herself. For two months, she had come to think of her relationship with Mr. Laffien as “possibly temporary”, keeping her heart somewhat distant from the situation. For the first time, she asked herself if a relationship with Mr. Laffien was what she really wanted. “I think I woke up one day and was like, Oh, ok, so this is really happening now?”
A few days later, they broke up in a book store parking lot after a three hour Seinfeld-esque back and forth. For every reason Ms. Pellegrino gave for them to split, reasons ranging from their extremely different personalities to their clashing backgrounds to his love for dogs and her extreme dislike to her love of reading and his aversion to books, etc., Mr. Laffien offered a reason to continue.
“I remember he kept telling me that every relationship would have differences to navigate as people grew and inevitably changed. He just kept reminding me of all the good part parts of our relationship. Our shared faith, how happy we were together when things were good, the way he made me smile — not an easy feat, mind you.” But it was Ms. Pellegrino’s parents who gave her the perspective she needed. “Then my mom and dad told me how much I’d grown in the short time since I’d met Brett, how much more joyful I seemed, that he brought out the best in me. I couldn’t deny it.”
The breakup lasted 12 hours. The next morning, Ms. Pellegrino phoned Mr. Laffien.
They decided to be proactive, knowing their relationship would have inevitable issues due to their differences. They met individually and as a couple with older married couples, family and friends and talked more openly with each other without sacrificing the fun aspects of dating. “It was so odd. I loved being with him; I was kind of intrigued by him, but I don’t think either of us knew how to really connect. He was much better at it than me. Still is.”
Ms. Pellegrino tried to understand more about football, attending an Orlando City game and feeling wildly out of place amongst screaming fans (she failed to realize when a goal had been scored and thought, Yea, he’s going to break up with me). And Mr. Laffien tried to read a book. “She ended up reading most of it to me, but I got through it.” During that time, they also discovered a joint love for history and Gilded Age Mansions. “We had visited the Ca’ d’Zan mansion in Sarasota for a little day trip. Asked his what his favorite part was. He told me the ceilings. When I asked him why, he said, ‘People don’t really look at ceilings all that much, but the people who built that house made sure that no matter where you look, even the forgotten ceilings, that it would be beautiful. I want even the areas of my life that nobody sees to be beautiful.’ And yea, I kind of melted. It just showed his heart.”
It was a better reaction than the one she had when Mr. Laffien said, “I love you” for the first time. That was during the early weeks of their “reunification”. They had met at their usual halfway point for a nice dinner. Throughout the dinner, things were tense. Ms. Pellegrino admits she wasn’t doing much to help the situation. “I think I brought up his tattoos and the dog issue, a lot, and really for no reason. I was poking at the differences in our family, completely careless to his feelings. I was just looking for a way out because I was, honestly, a little scared.” She now pities the waiter who served them, but more so Mr. Laffien. They had another long-winded conversation in the car afterwards during which Ms. Pellegrino again expressed her doubt in their relationship. Mr. Laffien mostly listened, offered his usual gentle rebuttals, then fell silent. For eight minutes. “I was watching the clock,” Ms. Pellegrino confides. “I’d never met someone who could sit in silence for so long in the middle of a conversation.” She’s more the kind to speak her mind , with the force of a rhino. After the eight minutes of silence, Mr. Laffien spoke with careful and measured words. “I really do love you,” as if he had already told her. In a way, Ms. Pellegrino said he had told her he loved her in the way he was patient, kind, enduring, and a hundred little gestures. She should have MELTED.
Instead, she laughed.
“I thought he was going to break up with me! And there he goes telling me he loved me.” Laughter subsided, she explained she wasn’t ready to say those words, far from ready. She wanted to be sure she meant it for the long haul. Saying I love you wasn’t just about a feeling in the moment, she explained, but a commitment and hope for the future. The feeling was coming through more and more, but the future was still looking blurry.
It would take some work, but Mr. Laffien’s sentimentality drew Ms. Pellegrino in more and more a little each time they saw each other. By Christmas, she knew she loved him. And she told him. He moved to Vero Beach February of 2023, working two jobs to pay rent and start saving.
He gained immediate favor in both jobs, but one captured his passion, coaching. He felt a marriage was on the table. “In our conversations, hypotheticals weren’t sounding like hypotheticals anymore. I could hear her heart and her brain getting behind the idea.”
Revisiting their love for gilded age mansions, Mr. Laffien expertly worked with the bride’s family and Boston Lewis jewelers to organize a surprise day trip to Vizcaya Museum & Gardens. He endured the stress every groom-to-be has felt in keeping the engagement a secret, taking the ring out of his bedside table to peek at it every now and then. Only once did he come close to spilling the beans. The first six months of the relationship had gone far too fast, but now with a mutual “I love you” declaration made, for Ms. Pellegrino, now 31, things couldn’t go fast enough. “I just wanted to know if he wanted to marry me or not.” She expressed her anxieties one day while cleaning the store facility where she stored her paintings and supplies. Mr. Laffien let one his trademark silences fall between them (thankfully, they were getting shorter), then took Ms. Pellegrino by the shoulders and said, “Jenny, I want to marry and I have every intention of doing so.” Tears filled her eyes and a wave of reassurance swept through her.
On July 22 just twelve days short of their first date anniversary, Mr. Laffien led Ms. Pellegrino through the Vizcaya courtyard, out the back doors, down the path to the Instgrammable water-front gazebo and dropped to one knee. QUOTE.
They celebrated with some family afterwards and the wedding planning began.
“I don’t deserve him. Truly, I don’t. And I only love him because he loved me first. It’s humbling, but as I am so well-loved. I hope I can return it ten-fold.”
Mr. Laffien now runs Legacy Minded Athletes and coaches full-time with IRSA. Ms. Pellegrino plans to continue writing and painting. Together they will live in what Mr. Laffien calls “their marriage home” in Vero Beach, Florida.
This article was originally printed in wedding day newspaper. Read the article in the original print publication.
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